Giving up - or missing it.

(my writing is rusty - i can feel it. the voice is awkward and i'm grabbing at straws for words and phrases i can't say any prettily-er...forgive me)

This past weekend, as I sat and stared out the window, I was struck at what I now perceived law school was after 8 weeks of class.

Law school = giving up a million and a half things.

Law school = giving up ...
*relaxing days spent in the sun
*shopping whenever i want
*eating out whenever i want
*visiting friends in other cities
*seeing friends in my own city
*sleeping in on the weekend
*drinking on weeknights
*lazy afternoons doing nothing
*"free time"
*phone calls to keep in touch w/friends
*emails to friends
*responding to emails from friends
*exploring new york city
*long brunches catching up w/friends
*any nighttime activities

however, this perspective seems uber-negative and unnecessary ...
thinking about what law school is in terms of sacrifices and giving things up means i miss what law school actually IS

law school =
*new opportunities
*6 figure salary upon graduation (necessary w/that billion dollar debt i'll have...)
*not being at the mercy of corporate cost-cutting in a bear market
*no working for crazy bosses (for now...)
.........

well, i'm working on the positive things that it is .. =)

last week started off as my "mental week off" but turned into my week off due to DEATH-SICKNESS.
my parents insist i had nothing more than a severe cold ... but i'm POSITIVE it was more than a cold.
a cold seems so plebeian and insignificant. my illness was, for lack of a more precise term, so much more than just a cold.
it was debilitating and extreme. urgent and dangerous. definitely took me out of action for 2.5 days of class...

and as one fellow 1L said, as a law student, "being sick blows - totally not as fun as taking sick days in elementary school"

all i can say is, YUP.

Letdown.

All of my Amazon.com purchases have now arrived.

I feel that little puff of sadness that comes after any much-anticipated event (i.e. graduation).

It's like I had so much to look forward to, and now that all my packages have arrived and the joy of their arrival and unpacking and setting up is over, I feel like the hostess the morning after a wonderful dinner party.

Standing amidst the empty glasses and napkins scattered throughout her house, the event now over, there's only the empty feeling where the energy of anticipation once was.

Hidden in that hole is the question, "What now?" - what do I do now? Where, now, do I find my purpose?

You have to take all that "looking forward to something" energy and find something to replace it =]