"I totally support you peeing anywhere..."

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(I had originally scheduled this for next Tuesday 3/20 but I had two different friends/readers complain to me today that I hadn't updated in FOREVER, so here you go, a Useful Thursday!).

Soooooooooo, I totally said that recently to a friend at a cafe after lunch... and realized AS IT WAS LEAVING MY MOUTH that it didn't properly convey what I meant.  So here I will explain.

What I meant to say was, "No, I don't mind sitting here alone while you go to the bathroom because I totally and completely understand and encourage going to the bathroom whenever there is one available when you are out and about and about to leave your current location."  That is what I meant to say - but I didn't have enough time to get it out (haha, pun?) before she walked away.

Where do these sentiments come from?  What is the source of my magnanimous attitude towards my companions abandoning me to use the bathroom?  Well, that answer can be found a month or two ago.  Ooh, my transformation occurred on Sunday, January 22, 2012.  That is because Google just told me that the Lunar New Year in 2012 occurred on Monday, January 23, 2012 (also, Google calls it "Chinese New Year," which I find somewhat offensive and surprisingly inaccurate).  In honor of Lunar New Year, my dad took our family to Flushing for Sunday dinner, to get some truly authentic Asian (Korean) food, it being a "new year" and all.

As per my usual habit, I had consumed at least 4 glasses of 8 oz. of water with the meal.  I like to stay hydrated.  Also, this was a habit I developed in college when my stomach was a bottomless, ravaging pit that nothing could satisfy.  My solution to neverending hunger, at least from a financial (and somewhat calorical) standpoint) was to try and fill some of that bottomless pit with calorie-free, free to drink, water.  Unless I gulped down water any time food wasn't actively in my mouth, one app, one entree, one dessert, and one drink was NOT enough to fill me up.  And really, you can't afford to spend more than $30-50 per meal in Durham, NC.  I normally had at least one full glass before any food arrived.  Another 2-3 glasses during the app/entree, and at least one more glass during dessert.  And this is in addition to any alcoholic beverage I might enjoy.

So back to the point, I had drank a not-so-modest amount of water.  As I considered the at least an hour drive back to my house, I figured I would be fine (in terms of when I would need a bathroom next).  Also, while the food at this particular restaurant was quite tasty, it was also a bit "dive-y," and so I had my doubts about the cleanliness of the bathroom.  About halfway home, I realized my body was sending me messages and I hoped we'd get home soon.  Then something happened that made me realize God (or the universe, which may even be one and the same) wanted me to learn a very specific lesson that night.

As we were rolling along the highway, a tire blew out, we had a flat.  My dad slowly pulled over to the side of the highway, a mere ONE exit away from the one we take to our house!!!  As he got out of the car I asked how long it would take and informed my parents that I was "urgent" (in Korean, if you say you are "urgent," that is a euphemism for having to use the bathroom - I learned this after a super-crazy cab ride in Korea when I told a taxi driver "I am urgent" meaning I was in a hurry but he thought I was going to use his vehicle as a lavatory).

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Anyway, to make this already long story shorter, we got the tire fixed up, raced home, and I shot out of the car before my dad could put it in park, tore into the house and relieved myself (as us ladies are wont to do).  So, THE LESSON: ALWAYS USE THE BATHROOM BEFORE YOU LEAVE A PLACE BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN IN TRANSIT BEFORE ARRIVING AT A NEW PLACE WITH A BATHROOM.

Death by fashion.

The WSJ opines on how fashion could kill you.  (Okay, they/we're being a little dramatic - this is more about how fashion may harm you).

Little victories. And making peace.

Saw this on friend's gchat status:

"I have a week left at this place, and I'm going to steal all the fucking Splenda before I go" - my secretary

And it reminded me, sometimes life is about the little victories. By little victories, I don't necessarily mean the battles we (actually) win or lose.  What I mean is what we consider to be victories and how we make peace with the situations and circumstances we find ourselves in.

For example, let me illuminate with the concept of "Aldrin justice."  This was introduced to me via How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) and it has to do with how the character of Lily Aldrin doles out "justice."  She was previously a kindergarten teacher and believes in punishing bad behavior by taking away something from the perpetrator.  For example, someone at The Gap was mean to Robin and Lily took a pair of khakis (not stealing because she is doling out Aldrin justice).

Aldrin Justice

Lily, as a kindergarten teacher, thought that taking away a "toy" from someone to punish their meanness was fair, i.e. an appropriate response.

My friend's secretary thought that taking all the Splenda from a firm (that probably sucked out her soul and leeched off her blood/sweat/tears for its profits) was fair as well.

As for me?  What is my little victory?  Where do I find my own small justice?  It's maybe super-lame and even a bit of a cop-out, but I'm a huge believer in karma.  So, rather than partaking in my own form of vigilante justice, I make peace with what I perceive as inequities or little rudenesses by reminding myself that karma is indeed a B-word and that other person will get theirs (in the end).

It's a small way out - but it works for me.  One more strategy I use, it's not really a strategy so much as a perspective but it helps me get through the day.  I used to get very frustrated and annoyed at employees in the service industry - particularly restaurant workers: when they forget my order or request, when they were slow in getting me water, and cashiers: when they are SUPER-slow at their job, when they forget to remove the security tag, when they mess up ringing you up/giving you change.

One day (actually, probably many times), my dad would see me get annoyed and verbalize some version of "[This job] is NOT that difficult!" and he told me, "If they were as smart as you, do you think they would be doing this job?"  He meant this as a compassionate comment - that I should have mercy on these folks doing the best they could with what they were genetically/societally given and be more understanding of their shortcomings.  However, I've found you can stretch that into what can amount to small victories (by comparing myself to people who are rude or mean to me).

For example, I had a series of "misunderstandings" with a "friend," where basically I felt I was being used (this friend would only call/text/want to hang out under the pretext of "catching up" when she needed me to do something for her) and would conveniently be busy whenever I initiated contact/spending time together (because, you know, I thought we were friends).  I was upset and a bit angry at first, but then the more I thought about it - I saw there were things missing from her life, her insecurities, her flaws.  I saw that although she had a group of outwardly fabulous friends, she couldn't count on them to support her or be there for her in her times of need.  I realized I was indeed lucky in having great friends I could rely on - friends who were not merely fairweather friends.  And although it's not really "justice" - I realized that I'm lucky in a way that she's not.

I guess, this could be a "victory" if I thought about it as, "Well, you may be using me but ultimately I have true friends and you don't."  But that seems petty and small (but ok, I maybe think that way sometimes - when I am especially upset by how someone has treated me).  But really, I want to be the kind of person my dad is: someone who views the other person's mistreatment of me as a manifestation of their own flaws and then is able to act compassionately in response to understanding that flaw/shortcoming (instead of the way I sometimes see it, which is, as previously mentioned, "Haha, I'm smarter than you and not a McDonald's cashier and so I won't let it bother me when you give me attitude").

So, as per usual, this turned into a bit of a rambling-on about how I make peace with (little) things that annoy me in the world, but here's your USEFUL TUESDAY TAKEAWAY:

Find your own (non-violent) way to make peace with (what happens to you in) the world.

And stick with it.  It'll lower your blood pressure.  You'll produce less cortisol and gain less weight.  You'll be able to let things go instead of letting old grudges fester inside you.  You'll be a happier person.  Eventually.  Maybe.  Then you'll smile more.  And your future spouse will fall in with your smile.  See how I just helped you find the soulmate of your life and future parent of your kids???  Haha =D  Just try it.  Thank me later by serving ice cream cake at your wedding.  ^^

Holy smoking children, Batman!

Image source

I came across the image above as a photo (didn't know it was an album cover) and was a bit disturbed but I thought to myself, "Alas, this is what America has come to," and actually now that I think about it - I'm a little upset that I wasn't MORE upset.  The fact that this picture didn't shock my conscience is saying something about how jaded or cynical or even numb I've become to horrible things in society.

Then I saw something on imgfave.com that said it was a photo that accompanied some scientific paper/study about an uber-manipulative/controlling child who got her mother to let her do whatever she wanted, including smoking cigarettes.  Now, I was intrigued by this so I started using Google to search for this backstory.

Unfortunately, I didn't find anything about this alleged psych case, but I DID find some interesting and disturbing news about smoking babies/children.

There is a 2 year old smoker in Indonesia who smokes 40FORTY40 cigarettes a day - I'm no expert, but I think that's something like 2 packs a day ...  The kid is SO unhealthy that can't even run or walk around on his own - he smokes while riding a toy truck all day.

I don't even know how you GET a child younger than 2 to start smoking - and how it GETS to this point.  Literally, I have no idea and my research didn't turn up anything further.  My guess is, dad gets drunk and thinks it'd be funny/amusing to have kid take a puff of his cigarette.  Gives it to kid - kid has no idea what to do but still has natural sucking reflex. Coughs and gags but the nicotine has an UBER-strong effect on his tiny baby brain and body.  Kid starts nagging and fussing when dad has cigarette and sh*tty dad doesn't want to deal with the noise and idea of discipline and just hands the kid a cigarette the way suburban parents hand their kid their iPhone to appease them.  And this starts the cycle.  (JUST A GUESS).

And if you thought that not actually making smokes available for your kid but just doing it yourself didn't cause problems, here's another article that says otherwise:

It was found that when 2 to 6 year-olds children were asked to "shop" for groceries for a hungry doll, they were four times more likely to choose cigarettes if their parents smoked, and three times more likely to pick wine or beer if their parents drank at least once a month.

 Useful Tuesday hint? Don't smoke around your kids.

Do happy lawyers exist?

Available at Amazon.com

Available at Amazon.com

Always a good question to ask, not only about careers in general, but for the one that you are currently pursuing.

I always assumed that lawyering was a means to an end for me.  A way to make contacts and gain necessary life experience and marketable job skills for whatever it is I decide I'm passionate about (writing my memoirs in short essays; opening my own day care/nursery school; becoming a professional organizer).

In this Corporette thread discussing whether happy lawyers exist, the ladies dole out some great insight.  I especially liked how Kat mentioned that there are people who like law school and people who like practicing law. 

I'm not sure where I fall right now, because when I started law school I LOVED IT.  But I loved it relative to what I had been doing - being an English-speaking puppet for a country-bumpkin school in Korea for a year (disagreeing wholeheartedly with everyone I had to take orders from not only about education methods and materials but also with the actual substance that I was teaching).

Compared to "working," I fell back into law school and loved it.  I loved preparing for class - I loved thinking there was a right answer, I loved the class discussions and the intellectualness of it all.  THEN, I started to dislike it.  After having "worked," I realized that school is NOT such a big deal.  Missing a reading or getting something wrong in class was NOT the end of the world - I had been in worse "emergency" situations in the past year and survived.  And perhaps that's where I got too lax.

Although I appreciate the perspective that "working" gave me - that a bad answer or less than stellar grade wasn't the end of the world (there ARE other people whose bad decisions and bad consequences are much worse than "a B+! Oh, NO!!!"), I also think it let me be too forgiving of myself.  In that vein, I also lost focus of what I wanted.  Since nothing seemed to be a life or death matter for me, I stopped asking myself the hard questions: What did I want to do?  What did I like to do?  What made me feel good?  What could I see myself doing for the next 20-30 years of my life?

Even now, I don't know if there are any "happy" lawyers - for a lot of my friends it seems like this is the lot they chose and now they must make do.  And there's a sense of not being able to complain because we are considered so lucky (can't complain about your challenging lawyer job when there are so many people fighting for those positions).  Nonetheless, it seems like the job is something some of them merely "put up with" - but for what?  The money?  Perhaps, we are, presumably, responsible adults who understand how education loans work and the promise we made to pay them back. 

But what else?  Why are my friends lawyers?  So many of them spoke of "changing the world," "making a difference," "helping people who really need it," and now nearly all of them are working in BigLaw at large firms who cater to corporate clients - more often than not defending their clients from indigent or vulnerable folks who have (most likely) been taken advantage of.

I believe I may have lost my kernel of thought - but I guess, I wish I knew more to finding this answer.  I recently attended a networking event of women from my undergraduate alma mater and was not surprised to find that I was 1 of 5 JDs in the room.  I WAS disappointed to find that I was 1 of 2 currently practicing attorneys and that the other 3 had transitioned into completely non-law-related careers and the 1 practicing attorney had just moved from commercial litigation to an in-house gig and that they were ALL SO HAPPY with their choices to leave practicing BigLaw.

One last note, the guys I've met (who are lawyers) seem to be more accepting, if not satisfied, with their lives as lawyers.  On the flip side, many of the women I've met are much more unhappy and much more vocal about their unhappiness.  Unfortunately, I'm a woman - so guess what the odds are saying?

One real last note, I think it's important to consider if you're really happy in your job, but it's probably also worth considering if you NEED to be really happy in your job.  I've never been one to define myself by my career - and so my career is not where I get the "meaning" or "purpose" in my life.  As long as my career/job gives me the means to do what I want OUTSIDE of work and doesn't interfere with my life outside of work too much/unnecessarily, I think I'd find myself pretty happy.

This isn't a very focused post - but just some thoughts thrown together around a fairly loose topic...

Useful Tuesday: PR Pros Share Secrets on Getting to the Next Level

I think I saw this short article on Twitter somewhere and sent it to myself to read later.

Nothing too groundbreaking or new, but nothing wrong with a refresher.

I've always heard that the part I quote below is one of the hardest things for women in the workplace to do.  We're just not "taught" that this is acceptable behavior.

How important is tooting your own horn—how do you do it? What if you feel awkward about “bragging”? How can a woman overcome that?

Toot your own horn, just not too loudly. Strike a balance between passive and pesky. It's tricky, especially if you feel awkward about touting your accomplishments. One effective way is not only to pat yourself on the back, but also to pat others harder. When working on a team, don't just highlight the good work you are doing, include and promote co-workers' contributions as well.   

I was at the Harvard APALSA conference this past spring and attended a panel entitled "Women in Leadership."  I forget the exact list of speakers Here's the list of speakers (they were impressive).  One of the women said that you need a brag buddy - this is easier for women than bragging about yourself.  She said to get yourself a brag buddy, which is like a (lady) wingman but for networking events and such instead of bars and broads.  I really liked this idea because it seems a lot more natural and perhaps even more sincere when a friend is singing your praises rather than doing it yourself (of course, this might be harder to do within your own organization - especially if it's rather competitive - but you can find a brag buddy in a different department or specialty to do this for you with your own superiors at work events - and of course you should reciprocate!).  I've been trying to do it (secretly!) with one unni of mine at networking events I drag her to - I hope it works!

I will say, though, their last tip is one of the easiest and super-importantest ones to do.

What kind of paper follow-up do you need after an introduction or interview?

Send an email within 24 hours of the conversation; then a handwritten note within the week of the meeting; and make a follow-up phone call or email two weeks after the meeting if you haven't yet heard back. If you opt for the latter, it's always good to dig around for some industry news or relevant article tied to your conversation that you can share to show that you are still engaged.

 I don't know about the handwritten note (unless I was invited to coffee at the person's home or something similar that took more effort) but I try to email people that I've recently met (usually at a networking or bar event) within the next few days following up on something we discussed and asking if they wouldn't mind continuing that conversation.  Most people I've done this with have been very receptive.  Some people are very busy but even those people usually respond and say email or telephone works.  I'd highly recommend following up quickly though - you want to be one of the memorable ones!

Pig of Happiness.

Available on Amazon.com

What a lovely idea.

I don't even remember where I saw this but it just struck me as so lovely that I snapped a picture of it so that I could look it up.

I wish I could see the BEST in EVERYONE and EVERYTHING.  Seriously, that's truly how one could become happy.

Someone buy me this book for Christmas, please?

(P.S. This counts as a Useful Tuesday post because it is VERY useful to have a positive attitude and to be happy!)

Useful Tuesday! Save. US.

Interesting, yet simple, explanation of why the US is full of big spenders and Europe, thrifty savers.

Why We Spend, Why They Save.

Few Americans appreciate that the prosperous economies of western and northern Europe are among the world’s greatest savers. Over the past three decades, Germany, France, Austria and Belgium have maintained household saving rates between 10 and 13 percent, and rates in Sweden recently soared to 13 percent. By contrast, saving rates in the United States dropped to nearly zero by 2005; they rose above 5 percent after the 2008 crisis but have recently fallen below 4 percent. 

Nearly ZERO!??!?!  That's CRAZY!!!

START SAVING, PEOPLE!!! On that note, I rather enjoyed this book: The Simple Dollar, written by Trent Hamm based on his blog.

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I read it on my Kindle for iPhone app and highlighted a whole bunch of things - trying to figure out how I can "export" that info somehow - to print or at least save in a document for later perusal.

So, I'm starting another "weekly" thing: Useful Tuesday!  Hopefully, I'll share useful advice, tips, and other information on Tuesday (just like how I share Food on Friday!)

OK - OMG - sharing TWO useful things today.  1 was SAVE YO MONEY!!!

2 is HOW AMAZING IS KINDLE!??!?!
If you have the Kindle or a Kindle app (as I do), your highlights and notes will still be saved in the book, as well as at kindle.amazon.com!!! How amazing is that??? I've been hoarding these books on my iPhone b/c I didn't know how to get access to all the awesome stuff I had highlighted within Kindle.

I just logged onto kindle.amazon.com and saw all the bits I had highlighted over the past few months.  AMAZING.  I've said it before and I'll say it again - when done right, technology seriously makes life so amazing.

I.  LOVE.  TECH.  NOLOGY.

Check out how to do cool stuff on Kindle apps here.