crylicious

today is a crylicious day. i can't really explain why. other than i'm really tired and suddenly feeling overwhelmed. altho, yesterday i was really psyched for this week and to do well in my lessons.

anyway, as soon as i got to school today i felt kinda bleh. but then i was in my classroom and as things unfolded i just wanted to cry more and more. and yet, i guess i'm learning what it means to be professional. i couldn't cry. i had class in 30 minutes.

first my 2 main english teacher ppl came and were talking to me about the schedule change at our school. i don't know why but they changed the lunch schedule around and all my classes are bumped up 10 minutes and my lunch breaks up my teaching schedule and i think it's all confusing. so first i was confused. then my head english teacher was telling me that we had been doing our lessons all wrong and that the homeroom teachers should be leading the lessons and i should just be the "assistant" teacher and "talk" during the "listen and repeat" "chants" etc. sections (aka be a parrot). this pissed me off a lot because i am the one making the lesson plans and super duper powerpoints for each class and that's just not fair. i explained to her how i felt about this (not pissed off, but that it's unfair) plus it's difficult for the teachers to teach a lesson that someone else made. that's actually why i feel like i've been leading most of my classes is because the teachers come in and even though we workshop the lesson a week in advance, they still don't really have their own idea of how it should flow and play out. so i told my head english teacher, if she wants the other teachers to lead then they can make the lesson plan and i will just show up and parrot. (this would be easier for me, but i feel like they're just wasting my potential - not that i think i'm a super teacher, but i feel like i came to korea to do a lot more than speak english on demand). plus they keep emphasizing how impt it is for the students to hear my "pronunciation" and "intonation" yet they want me to keep my mouth shut. it is quite a paradox. so that really frustrates me. i thought we had worked this issue out. i'm supposed to think things over and get back to her about what would be the best plan of action after this week's lessons and chusok. =/

then the tech guy came to look at my computer and stuff. and so i was explaining to him about how i use the stupid school computer for internet but how my ppts aren't working on it. and so all my lessons last week had to be altered last minute. so then i told him if the internet would work AGAIN on my own laptop i have no need to have the projector dilemna. basically the overhead projector is hookedu p to school computer bc we use a lot of songs from the internet. but its really complicated and annoying to switch the overhead projector from the school comp to my laptop and so on and so forth. i can't switch several times per class. so apparently they switched some IP thing last week (which is when my laptop stopped working) and the school website stopped working. etc etc etc. i was gettign really frustrated bc my english teachers wanted to talk about stuff and the computer guy was still here not knowing anything and the clock was ticking for my classes to start and i had yet to look over my lesson plans (which was why i came to school early in the first place).

so then my class came in and all these random ppl were still here and i COULD NOT cry. PROFESSIONAL as ... well i don't know. but as i had to be. i smiled and gesticulated and sang and danced and was the general clown i need to be to keep my classes focused and involved. luckily, my first class 2-7 teacher is actually one of the ones who is pretty good at "co-teaching" and so i rode off her waves/flow. she is one of the ones i like less so i was like, oh so thankful for her to be unknowingly helping me out like that. but then at the end of class she was like "when is your break time? i want to learn more english" and honestly, my break time at school is MY time (actually it's been getting stolen by some of my 2nd graders who are leeches of my break time). seriously, break time is my sanity time. this time of day most of my friends at home (stateside) are awake and able to chat. seriously, if this gets taken away from me, i might cry. all day. haha. also i use it to lesson plan and explore the materials available in my classroom. so its my productive school time also.

then at lunch (which is earlier than usual) the VP told me to sit all alone at a teacher table whilst everyone else sits with their students. usually i like to sit with my students and talk to them too but today iwas so sad i was about to cry into my food. maybe im jus super emotional from being tired and cuz it's monday (rainy days and mondays always get me down-carpenters). hmm, i'll get back to you all later. maybe the day will pick up (im joining the gym and having my first yoga class tonight =)