Tuesday, November 25, 2008

hit by T v. hit by car

(to the left of that peninsula of sidewalk is comm ave w/cars whizzing by)

I keep having little "aha!" moments when it hits me, a little at a time, that I might be a REAL first year law student.

believe it or not, i've been applying myself, somewhat diligently to my studies and listening to my professors and i'm starting to think (maybe) a little like a law student (and hopefully also a little like a lawyer)

the first time it "hit me" hit me:

10/12/08 In Boston: While walking down Comm Ave and waiting for the T, my mom is saying how dangerous it is to have that mini-sidewalk in the middle of the street with the T tracks on one side and the street w/cars zooming by on the other. And this convo ensues:

1L: If you have a choice it might be better to fall into the tracks instead of the street
Mom: Why? Because the T is slower?
1L: No, because the government probably has more money than the random driver on the street has in insurance
Mom: Oh, wow. You sound like a lawyer
1L: Actually, I'm not sure - the government might not have waived their sovereign immunity to that
Mom: What?!

(coincidentally, this picture was supplied by the BU law school - i hope they don't sue me for copyright infringement or other unlawful use)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

another reason to hate cases!!!

i had this DEEEEE-lightful little seque that was both oh-so-funny and clever in connecting my last possibly very vulnerable-seeming post and this new upcoming one about law school and the onset of exams.

and OF COURSE i lost it in between the "aha!" moment of it dawning upon me and the urge to read JUST one more case before calling it a night and allowing myself the time to blog.

drat phooey. blurgh.

what remedies can i ask for against the stupid gods of law school? what can they possibly give me that'll make up for ALL the little joys in life that this [insert adjective here] year that is 1L has stolen from me. (converted from me? conversion of chattel = conversion of time and joy??)

oh, a little nerdy tidbit from my head:
today i decided i really really want someone to touch something, anything, an item i own JUST so i can say,
"hey stop that! that's trespass to my chattels!!!"

for those of you who are not well-versed in trespass to chattels. (i'm not either-i don't think we've fully covered that yet in torts)

so yea, i might be using that idea/phrase/tort totally wrongly. don't ever EVER rely on anything i say here as anything remotely qualifying as legal advice. hahaha. i don't want to be sued for legal malpractice before i'm even a lawyer!

memo 2 due thursday. like "tomorrow."

that technically i've kinda sorta started. but not really.
that i was kindof freaking out about. apparently, unnecessarily.

to put things in perspective. this one memo hath not the ability to make or break me. (haha watch me turn out to be wrong).

a. legal writing isn't graded. it's pass/fail and may or may not be subsumed w/in our legal methods grade.
b. it's not graded.
c. as long as i hand something passable in, i'm good.
(let's hope i don't take this lax attitude with me into december and onward to the bar)
(which is not to say i'm not giving it the best i've got given my current circumstances of ummm having less than 2 weeks left of the semester AND first day of sending out 1L summer intenrship apps coming up all w/in like 10 days!!!)

lawfully yours, c.pink
(how's that one?)

and one response i got via email to my latest published post:
"it's entries like these and statements comparing men to entrees that i wonder if you're actually a dude inside"

i miss dating. (the real deal)

(p.s. you'd be surprised how many image hits you get for googling "broken heart" lol well at least i'm not alone! =)

as promised. the original intent of friday's post.

i miss dating. or at least i think i do. maybe i just miss the requisite feelings that are a part of the initial dating ritual.

it's not even dating per se. i might just miss having a crush on someone. i might miss being obsessed with someone, so that i have to push them out of my head just so i can read a few pages before i realize i'm goofily grinning to myself again thinking of him (or her- i support proposition 8).

i miss being so excited just by the THOUGHT of someone. i miss that brief period of time when one name, a few letters, can bring me to smile like a fat kid in a candy store (parody of i love you like a fat kid loves cake) . i miss that unknown unspoken yet electrifyingly exciting fear of "does he like me? does he like me back? does he like me like me like i like him?" (borrowed a little from avenue q right there). there's definitely an adrenaline rush that goes along with the not knowing. it's that feeling you get before jumping off a cliff, diving into the deep end, starting off on a new adventure. you're not really sure where you'll go or where you'll end up or how you'll even get there. but it's thrilling just to know you're starting.

i miss the anticipation. the when will i randomly see him next? that comes before the stage when you KNOW you'll be seeing him again. before you get to the point of making time for each other. i miss the getting to know you. the selective sharing of stories. how you get a chance to show him who you wish you were before you realize that he already knows better and likes you for who you are and not who you want him to think you are.

i miss the first shared experiences. the first bus ride together. the first time he holds your hand and inside you feel like running through the streets yelling YIPPEEEE and random strangers give you high-fives like in an ugly betty daydream but you totally play it cool and his heart is also totally beating loud enough for you to hear but both of you act casual like this isn't a big deal, like this isn't the first time you're really saying, really admitting, ok i'm going to open myself up to this person, i'm going to care, i'm going to trust you - let you in and hope i'm not letting a bull loose in a china shop (which, odds are, is how it's gonna end - what? that doesn't happen to anyone else? just me? um... what yea i meant, me neither)

moving on. haha. incidentally that happens to be my next point. oh i love it when i'm punny. i guess my point is i'm realizing that i miss having a significant other. for a period from say 1996 to 2004 i continually had a "boyfriend." there were little lapses of a few months of being single at the longest. and not to say all my teenybopper bfs were intimate and life altering and so meaningful. let's face it, they were little amateur crushes that went a few months beyond crushing and angsty attempts at what the rest of the world told us was love or like or romance or hormones or whatever you want to call it.

needless to say, nearly the first decade of my formative years was spent in constant fluxes of crushing and the first steps to relationships. maybe that was just my personality. i'm actually quite renowned for never being able to make up my mind. i'm apparently also quite a sampler. i love to order entrees for everyone at the table so i can have just a taste of each bc i can't commit to just one taste myself - not even for the duration of the one meal. ykno, just a little nibble because everyone knows the first taste of something is the best. after a while you get sick or bored of even the most wonderful thing.

which is not to pick on wonderful things and i'm not saying that one "thing" is never good enough. it's more a reflection of the (im)maturity of my character. i'm still at that childlike place where every new thing is a thing of wonder and amazement even tho it's inevitable that i'll easily bore of it.

on the flip side, altho i don't think its the flip side exactly, i can't choose just one dish or commit to it bc what if i've made the wrong choice? what if i dont actually want the prime rib? i THOUGHT i did but really i want the tilapia filet. what then? better to be safe and have both available and have just enough of each that i neither regret not getting one or the other OR regret getting one or the other.

wow. there are so many mixed metaphors here i almost don't know what i'm talking about but DO want to find myself in a nice candle-lit restaurant. just kidding. i hate ... well kinda dislike candlelit restaurants. i don't like eating in the dark. i like to see my food and the people i'm eating with etc etc etc. part of my control freak nature perhaps?

yes, i can see that this entry (the window to my thoughts and soul) is clearly going to win me many a bachelor man for me to crush and swoon over ... haha they're lining up outside down the block already.

OR maybe that means it's time for me to go to bed. i'll have to run one final editing eye over this in the morning. and anyway, please don't take this as a pity me rant because i don't have a boyfriend. if you read critically (as all good lawyers should) you'll see that wasn't the point at all.

the point is,. well, i'll let you ruminate on that one.

the point is that i havent missed boys/relationships/dating/crushing at all for quite some time (let's give it a conservative estimate of 4 years) and maybe that was bc i wasnt ready again/yet. i didnt want another person in my life another person that could hurt me. but maybe im finally ready. finally over it. finally whole enough to be able to broken again. it was definitely a long time in the coming (making?). and i can only hope that it'll be worth it.

legally yours, c.pink
(i considered lovingly yours and longingly yours, but they were too "the notebook"y and not enough of me)
blech to cheesiness

Friday, November 14, 2008

i miss dating.(fake-out)

0r at least i think i do. and i deemed this important enough to get up out of bed, despite a pounding headache (the onset of which had nothing to do with imbibing alcoholic beverages - although i almost wish it had), power on my new baby laptop, drag it in bed with me, log in to blogger and start typing.

so i haven't really written in really, quite a long time. and i've apologized for that over and over again. moreover, even my recent writings have lacked a certain edge, a certain passion, the "soul" if you will has been MIA.

i don't really know how to explain that. i guess i'm no longer sure who my audience is. or maybe i've become TOO aware of who my audience MAY be. now that i'm in law school in ny, among native english speakers, among fellow students, i've lost a sense of anonymity.

surely, as i wrote my blog in korea i did feel safe, insulated somehow. the only ppl i thought i was speaking to were my loved ones an ocean, continent, and miles away. my other audience comprised of ppl in the same country as me, but separated by cities and countless koreans who had no idea what i was writing or talking about. there was definitely a certain sense of insularity and i guess even a feeling of disconnect that ironically made my writing truer and more sincere.

now that i'm back in the states, i've had a million excuses and theories why i don't write: no time, nothing to complain about, not a habit i had in america, etc.

but somehow tonight, as i was lying in bed waiting for sleep to sneak into my mind and blindfold me and claim me as the night's until the morning, i had a fleeting thought. a fleeting thought that turned into a few phrases. then sentences. and finally onto a paragraph and a vague outline for a full entry.

so here i am, blabbing on about absolutely NOT the topic that got me here. maybe this was just what i needed tho. an inroads to starting blogging anew.

so yes, dear readers, it may be too early to declare that i'm back. but let's tentatively make an appointment. say for sometime in the next 2 days. i'll go and write that entry that got me up and typing in the first place, and i promise to post it soon. the contents of that entry promise to be much more entertaining than this one.

and tiny little last aside, maybe i need a tagline. what is she talking about you ask. well let me tell you. so i really got into gossip girls in the past month and the premise of the show is a gossip blog/cell text "ring" if you will and the show's narrator is the blog author. so she starts every episode with some variation of "morning upper east siders..." and ends each episode with "you know you love me xoxo gossip girl." so yea, THAT's what i'm talking about when i say maybe i need a tagline.

maybe i need a cute little signoff signature thing. feel free to suggest some. or you'll have to deal with whatever insipid tagline i dream up. i'll try a few different ones out first. starting with:

legally yours, c.pink (read: c dot pink)