Monday, December 19, 2011

What is wrong with these men?

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So a guy friend brought this to my attention a few years ago: the two voicemails left by "Dmitri" for Olga.

But this other crazy guy via the Internet is new to me (via intern in my office): i-banker's email about being led on.

Seriously, where do these guys come from?  What is their deal?

Their neuroses are not actually what I have a problem with.  To be honest, it sounds exactly like the post-incident super-analysis a (normal) girl would do.  WITH HER GIRLFRIENDS.  IN PRIVATE.  WITHOUT EVER SHARING THESE THOUGHTS WITH THE GUY.

The truly notable thing about these two incidents, other than the fact that they were made public and viral via the Interweb, is the amount of time and energy that the guy put into their response (to the girl's in/action).  Most guys are either "into" a girl or not.  And when a girl dismisses a guy she's NOT into, it usually gets brushed off.

You don't see a whole film genre or subset of TV shows revolving around men getting together and discussing/analyzing their love lives (HIMYM might seem like an exception but it's about one guy telling his kids about his dating life - not sitting around with his guy friends at brunch dishing about his weekend escapades a la Sex and the City).  Although I'll admit I'm seeing a lot more of "sensitive guy dealing with girl issues" in the past few years, it's usually just one part of the guy's character - the show or movie itself is not about the sensitive guy sitting around over-analyzing his girl problems with his bro-sephs (movies like "(500) Days of Summer" - albeit still at the rate of perhaps 1 or 2 films a year).

I'm not gonna get all sexist and generalize and say that men shouldn't have feelings or thoughts.  But you see things like the voicemails and email above and you just wanna say, YOU'RE A GUY.  SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.  GET OVER IT.

So, here's my PSA: Dudes everywhere, please don't be a creepster.  I'm not gonna lie, sometimes ladies can be confusing: some girls are shy and we're told to deflect attention or play hard-to-get.  So if you must, then please push GENTLY, ask her out once again BUT NICELY.  If she still says NO, or nothing at all, let it go.  You are not going to convince me/us/her to date you with your horribly offensive overanalysis of my mental state and childhood experiences based on our chance encounter in the street (in the case of Dmitri) or your crazy overanalysis of our one dinner date (iBanker).  Trust me, there's enough of that overanalysis going on over here from the lady's POV.

Edit: This latter example of a "crazy guy" in the form of a "JPMorgan Don Juan" was just brought to my attention - although I must say this is a quite different context, it still merits a mention (the 1st two being overcritical "Why don't you like me?" pleas after an initial contact that resulted in no followup and this JPMorgan guy being someone who is taking a breakup UBER-badly - in a lying crazy stalker way).

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