What we like to call a SSSHHHHEDule.

I've played 36 holes of golf in the past 4 days. And it feels pretty good. Hopefully 1L won't kill me and I'll make it out for at least 1 round every weekend with my parents. (Anyone else in the area up to play with me?)

I know I've promised posts, and I'll be more regular when school starts and I need to procrastinate my life again, I'm sure.

In the meantime:

7/30 Bank. Costco run. Pack.
7/31 Lunch with ladies. Pack.
8/1 Sign rent papers. Move. Put together furniture with strong handsome men and Ashley.
8/2-3 Figure out my life in NY. Buy groceries.
8/4 18 holes.
8/5-6 Beach house.
8/7 Back to NYC. UN tour and happy hour with CLS folk.
8/8-9 Freak out about not being ready for 1L.
8/9 Sister comes home!!!
8/10 Yankees game, Staten Island. Courtesy of CLS.
8/11-12 Orientation.
8/13 Beginning of Legal Methods and "Camp Law School."

It's been a crazy 4 weeks.

It's all so close.

Another list.

so this isn't new content per se.

but i was going through my xanga, and it's actually been quite enlightening to read through my past and see what/how i was feeling in college (haven't gotten to high school entries yet...). there were a good deal of photo entries and funny/ridiculous/weirdo/random public entries, and also the private entries made me think twice, too.

anyway, here's a list i found that i had written:

10 things i ABSOLUTELY love doing:
1. buying stuff - not jus clothes, but like ANYTHING (ask jiyun about the pink "foot"notes)
2. eating/baking/cooking from scratch, i like going grocery shopping and stuff
3. being petted, having my hair touched
4. crossing off stuff on my "to-do" lists
5. smiling and laughing
6. winning at life
7. yoga/skiing/wrestling/racing!!!
8. lying out in the sun (like a cat! or a gecko! or a turtle!)
9. being taller/thinner than random ppl on the street
10. being the golden child

it's a pretty good list in my opinion (in the sense that i really nailed 10 of my favorite things to do) considering it was written almost 3 years ago and i would say that it's pretty much unchanged. i would add SWIMMING to #7 and replace "racing" with "running". but all in all that's it.

i always think it's good to reflect on your past/life and sometimes an old journal/blog is the right way to do it. i'm always surprised at both how repetitive my thoughts are and the new insights i gained and then lost. there are also a few themes that show up over and over again. and other little surprises that i didn't remember until reading my own words jogged my memory. and there's always that elusive "you" that i address some of my entries to. sometimes i remember exactly who "you" was supposed to be and i smile, or laugh, or cringe, or feel embarrassed. haha.

Accomplished, Week 1:

Or, Things I've done so far:
Drank skim milk every morning!
Eaten superfresh and superfab sushi.
Gone to the mall (2x!).
Driven.
Gone to Whole Foods.
Gone grocery shopping.
Pumped gas.
Gone on a road trip (Niagara Falls!).
Gotten a new cell phone and number.
Called all my favorites for phone chats.
Eaten a turkey burger (yum!).
Eaten ravioli.
Been surrounded by guidos.
Eaten lunch in Bryant Park, NY (home of Fashion Week).
Opened new checking AND savings accounts.
Opened a new credit card.
Unpacked and put away all my Korea stuff.
Fallen asleep watching Food Network.
Worn my new suit.
Worn short shorts!
Flirted shamelessly.
Ogled and been ogled.
Showered with a curtain/door (no water on the floor!).
Been tempted to buy a million flavors of jelly (because I can!) but settled on my favorite strawberry.
Drank Mango Madness, Pomegranate Lemonade, Vitamin Water, and DASANI.
Been drinking my 8+ glasses of water a day!

Things yet to be done:
Get my haircut/permed.
See my sister/Visit Boston.
Go to DC/see my college friends.
Clean out my closet.
Pack for CLS.
Change my move-in date.
Go to my doctor/dermatologist.
Look at/buy furniture for my new apartment.
Go to Target.
Cook a meal.
Find my diamond necklace from graduation that I hid a little TOO well in a REALLY REALLY safe place before going to Korea...

Apologies.

For the lack of updates.

Been crazy busy. And happy.

My condolences to those of you still in the motherland.

Will be in DC for a week starting Friday.

Will try to post/schedule some entries before I leave.

The end.

I really felt it. For the first time since I've already known it in my head, I really felt that I'm leaving.

After closing one bank account, and sitting at the next, as the woman across the counter from me was stamping her forms and giving me papers to sign, and I realized I had muchos DOLLARS and no WON anymore, I finally felt that I was going home, going to leave Korea, and going to America.

Isn't that crazy? After all my countdowns and packing and saying goodbye, all it took was some money, and I really felt like I was finally leaving.

On another note, was American money always this LONG? It seems fake to me...
Hoooommm...

Thank you. School edition.

(And, yes, I wrote it all by myself. It was edited by my mom, old korean school principal (he's now in Cheongju), and my favorite coteacher).

남성 초등학교 가족 여러분~

떠나는 날이 다가와 마음이 조금 슬퍼지네요.

제가 글씨를 워낙 못써서 컴퓨터로 이 편지를 쓰지만, 손으로 쓴 글씨와 마찬가지로 마음을 담아 쓴다고 믿어주세요.

일년 동안 남성 초등학교에서 지내니, 행복했던 시간들, 약간은 힘들고 어려운 시간들이 꽤 많았네요.

제가 못 알아 보는 선생님들도 청주 시내나 학교 밖에서도 저를 알아보고 인사 해 주셔서 고마웠어요. 우리 나라 이지만 낯선 나라에 와서 혼자있는데, 알아 봐 주는 사람들이 있어서 외롭고 힘겨운 시간들을 따뜻하게 보낼 수 있었어요.

제가 까다롭게 급식소에서 이것 저것 안 먹겠다고 해도 다 이해 해 주셔서 감사했습니다. 제가 체험을 하러 왔는데 너무나 제가 편리한 대로 살았지요?

제가 도움이 필요할 때마다, 그때그때 도움을 준 분들께도 모두 다 너무 너무고맙습니다. 교무실에서 복사하는것 코팅하는것, 다 도와주신 혜정언니. 말은 많이 안 나누었지만, 저를 말없이 많이 도와주셔서 고마웠어요.

홍기성 선생님, 제가 한글로 깔린 컴퓨터 잘 못쓰고 제가 쓰는 Mac 컴퓨터도 학교에서 잘 안되고, 많이 불편하셨죠? 제가 컴퓨터 없이 수업을 못하니, 저 때문에 교실에서 애 많이쓰셨습니다. 제 수업들이 잘 진행 될 수 있었던것도 선생님 덕분이에요.

행정실에 있는 모든분 그리고 기사님들, 제가 알게 모르게 많이 도와주신것 감사합니다. 제가 교실의 불편한 점을 이야기 할때 마다 그때그때 고쳐주시고 해결해 주셔서 감사합니다.

저하고 같이 협력 수업하신 1, 2학년 선생님들, 너무 고마워요. 저하고 workshop하실때 많이 불편하고 답답하셨죠? 안 통할때도 많았지만 제 의견을 꼭 들어주시고, 수업 준비를 도와주셔서 고마워요. 교실에서도, 밖에서도요, 선생님들께서 저를 챙겨주시는 마음을 많이 느꼈어요. 수고많이 하셨습니다.

영어전담 선생님들, 김선혜부장선생님, 서현주선생님, 손민희선생님, 저때문에 많이 힘들으셨죠? 매일 무엇이 필요한지, 불편하지 않은지, 점심은 먹었는지 챙겨 주셔서 고마워요. 선생님들 없이는 정말 남성초등학교에서 무엇을 어떻게 해야 하는지 아무것도 몰랐을거예요. 일년 동안 꾸준히 잘 보살펴 주셔서 감사합니다.

그리고 교장, 교감선생님, 저를 예뻐해 주시고 항상 너그럽게 대해 주셔서 감사합니다. 제가 매일 인사를 드렸어야 하는데…

아침에 원래 잘 못 일어나는데다가 계속 몸이 안 좋아서 조금 게을렀습니다. 인사를 꼬박 꼬박 못 드려서 죄송한 마음으로 늘 수업에 최선을 다 할려고 열심히 노력했습니다.

이제 정이들고, 적응도 왠만큼 되고 하니까 가야하는 것이 아쉽습니다. 제가 일년이란 시간속에 좋은 추억과 경험을 할 수 있도록 기회를 주셔서 감사했습니다. 제가 앞으로 어느 곳에 있던지, 무엇을 하던지 남성초등학교에서 체험했던 좋은 추억과 경험을 잊지 않고 살아가겠습니다.

일년동안 저와 함께한 모든 분들께 다시 한번 감사의 마음을 전하며

남성초 모든 직원과 학생들을 위하여!!!

Waterworks.

yea, that's pretty much my nickname. Always.

I don't mean to cry. But I've always been somewhat of a crier. Movies, books, TV shows, even commercials. Actually, even songs and national anthems. Sometimes an audience clapping is all it takes. And I start crying.

This time it started on Tuesday. And it was totally unexpected.

But here I am crying again.

Tuesday: Saying my final goodbye to that first class of the week and I started welling up. We took a class picture and I thought I would burst, but I held them back. THEN, out of nowhere, one of the girls comes back to my classroom, manages a "Teacher, I love you!" and then bursts into tears. At which I can't help but start crying also. Did I mention? Other people crying is usually enough to set me off.

Every class after her, I cried a little as they left. I could usually hold it in until they waved their final goodbyes and headed down the stairs, but as soon as I turned back to my empty classroom I no longer had to beam that smile. I felt the realization that I will most likely NEVER see these kids again. And then the tears would come.

Last night was our final hweshik with all the teachers I taught with and the VP and principal and out tech teacher who is in love with me. It was wonderful. I managed not to cry during dinner or at the cafe afterwards. But when I got home and unwrapped the album and earrings they got me, I couldn't help it. Despite all my complaints and whining, I've developed some 정 for these people. The people who kept me afloat during my year abroad.

One of the 2nd grade classes (the worst one, the one that I yelled at 3x on their first day and I wrote about it HERE) wrote me goodbye letters. And although most of them are the same bland "Thank you, we'll miss you, please don't go, I learned a lot of English thanks to you" format, a few were really wonderful and surprising. There were students who I thought never paid attention but then wrote me full-page letters talking about how I made English fun for them. There was one who even thanked me for teaching them so exuberantly to the point of sweating. And another girl who wrote that she would miss me but how happy I must be to be going home. They surprised me with their depth and compassion.

And now I just received a fresh batch of letters from my first 1st grade class. It's not the same, as I've only taught these kids for 2 and a half months, and I've been with my 2nd graders since I first got here in July. But wow, the thought these kids have given me, is so touching and I'm so lucky to have been here.

Geography of thought.

The Geography of Thought : How Asians and Westerners Think Differently...and Why by Richard Nisbett


I bought this book in Seoul in January. I hoped it would do several things for me:

a) I hoped it would quench my thirst for some of the research-based non-fiction books I had to read so many of during undergrad as a social science major.
b) I hoped it would help me make sense of the craziness I perceived as going on all around me here in Korea.
c) I hoped it would explain some of why I sometimes felt SO American and sometimes SO Korean and sometimes SO neither and both at the same time.

Here is a quote that jumped out at me:

While a special occasion for the ancient Greek might mean attendance at plays and poetry readings, a special occasion for the Chinese of the same period would be an opportunity to visit with friends and family.

Yes, and wow. This jumped out mostly because it described my own confusing and complex internal struggle. While not always, a special occasion, every weekend I was confronted by this choice: visit my family or travel/do something cultural?

Be filially pious (pietous?) and visit my family? One kind of special occasion. Or be independent and add to my experiences by doing something more cultural and intellectually stimulating? Another kind of special occasion.

My dad always pushed for me to spend time with my family (his family) while my mom pushed for me to do what I wanted. Thus fulfilling their stereotyped roles as traditional, ironfisted father and liberal, self-improving mother.

This next quote further got me thinking:

Philosopher Henry Rosemont has written: “… for the early Confucians, there can be no me in isolation, to be considered abstractly: I am the totality of roles I live in relation to specific others...taken collectively, they weave, for each of us, a unique pattern of personal identity, such that if some of my roles change, the others will of necessity change also, literally making me a different person.

The "Western" way IS, in fact, so much more about individualism and the self. Whereas, clearly, the "Eastern" way is more about the self in relation to others. ALWAYS in relation to others.

Of course ancient Greeks chose self-improvement in the form of music, plays, or other classically intellectual endeavors in their spare time. In a culture where the self is the most important entity, any improvement to the self, especially in terms of being cultured is an improvement to the most important thing in the society.

In the East, where the self does not exist without others, this relationship is seen and treated literally and metaphorically. Literally in terms, of family ties and bonds and blood relationships.

*Literal example: Without my parents, I would not exist. And without my grandparents, my parents would not exist. And thus without (ever-increasing web of) these people I would not be.
*Metaphoric example: The concept of "me/self/I" does not exist outside of my relationships to others. I am Youn's daughter, Jessica's sister, Namsung's English teacher, Ashley's friend, etc. etc. etc. WIthout these relationships/definitions, I am NOTHING.

Coming from THIS particular understanding of the self, clearly it makes sense to always foster and nurture these bonds and relationships, THUS strengthening the self. Strong relationships = strong definition of self.

The book was a bit cheesy and overgeneralized certain things, but in general it was an interesting take on the confusion that is my life. A confusion that has only increased and been in constant tumult since my sojourn to this country of my forefathers (and foremothers - let's not be sexist here). I have often experienced conflict over simple decisions for my friends - conflicted by my ideas of superiority of self (sometimes it's ok to be selfish) and my inbred need to please others and create social harmony (never being able to say "no).

Being in Korea, only confused me all the more. It both challenged and strengthened the Western "ME" parts of me and the Eastern "US" parts of me/us. You can imagine this internal struggle/battle of wills and crazy snippets of voices of advice and random mutterings from my family, friends, society, media, Confucius, Aristotle, etc. that was CONSTANTLY running through my head. ON top of all that, there was the INTERNAL part that's like, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, I'M AN AMERICAN AND I DO THINGS MY WAY some days, and other days it's like, I CARE WHAT ALL OF YOU SAY AND I'VE GOTTA JUST SAY YES AND DO WHAT MAKES EVERYONE HAPPY (increase overall utility - that was also kindof the econ/pps nerd part of me, in addition to the Korean and American parts).

I could totally branch out at this point about how the "Asian" perspective helped me understand why Koreans are the way they are. But I think I might've already beaten that topic to death. And back. 

So I'll end with how this both enlightened and further confused me. It helped me (us?) understand the two separate camps (usually just two) in my head reasoning opposite arguments for the same cause (strengthen self for self and strengthen community/family for self). And it helped me understand why this place, this country, and these people brought these issues that had only been simmering and occasionally spilling over in America to a boil in Korea.

Western thinking:


+PLUS+

Eastern thinking:


=EQUALS=

Smellcome to Korea.

Kimchi, Korea's flagship traditional food

“The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.” ~Rudyard Kipling

But really, do I want to? Korea has a special smell (in most places) that I think even NYC has a hard time rivaling. In addition to the urine and human waste, there's of course, all the fermentation going on, all the waste of fermented food, and the cooking of fermented foods, and I don't know what else, but Korea has a strange smell. And actually, I think maybe Kipling was right. After smelling Korea, you get it. It's weird, strong, and stubbornly won't leave you alone.

Dwen-jang (soybean paste)


Inside the box: smells exactly like you think it would but worse

1 full year.

and like i always say, life comes full circle.

I arrived in Korea at dawn on June 16th, 2007 where I was promptly shuttled to my Ansan family's place for some down time (and a long long nap).

So I guess it makes sense that I spent all of June 15th, 2008 in Ansan with them again. (Also involving a pretty long nap).

And although I don't have any other deep insight or anything to mark the full 365-day year, I will say this.

On that morning a year ago, as I sat in their 거실 (a space in Korean homes equivalent purpose to an American living room), I couldn't get over how SMALL their house was. And this past Sunday when I sat there with my family, I kept wondering if they had somehow expanded their house, because it now seemed pretty BIG (I guess now I measure by Korean standards). I was like, "Wow, I remember their house being so small and now that I'm actually here it's so spacey....".

So, yea. A year can and does change a person's perspective.

Like I always say, life is always relative.

water off my back. (or is it oil?)

So, the zoo/circus is finally coming to an end. Both my time here in Korea, and this final presentation of the year's experimental teaching.

Let me explain. The school I was sent to, and one of the reason's I was sent, was that they were one of three participating schools in our province in this experiment into coteaching with a native English speaker for 1st and 2nd grades. So now at the end of a year they chose one school to host the presenting of the results. And it's us.

The class went over pretty well. There were a few things I would've changed but not much. But it's the aftermath that's starting to piss me off. I know I should let it roll off my back. And I will. Because I'm leaving and nothing I say or think is going to change anything here. And like my mom said, the angrier I get and the more frustrated I get with the system here and try to vent it, it's really just throwing eggs at a mountain. Fruitless and useless.

I could so NOT live here, or at least I would really have to change to live here for a long time. There's just so much that Koreans say and do that annoy me.

*For example, the man who assumes that I speak no Korean and talks about how useless he thinks native speaking teachers are whilst in my classroom.

*The other man who is going through my cabinets and when I ask politely if he's looking for something, he anwers: No, I just want to see what materials you use. (AND I WANT TO SCREAM, WELL THEN ASK ME IF YOU CAN SEE THEM AND DON'T GO THROUGH MY CABINETS, YOU RUDE DONKEY!!)

*The lecturing by Koreans who "know everything" and yet clearly I don't understand how they can be failing so badly at teaching English if they "know everything"

*The man who tells me I should've used magnetic boards instead of velcro on my bulletin boards. (since he knows how I use them and what works in my classroom and how much money I'm allotted to furnish my classroom)

Anyway, I know the English teachers are busy, but I'm just sitting in my classroom and there are two annoying Koreans here discussing the status of English education and what has to change, and I'm wondering if I can leave, if I should lock up before I go, if I should tell them to get out, or what I should be doing. I would normally just leave it all open and go home, but I don't want them going through my desk and personal stuff. Rude monkeys.

BUUUUUUUT I DON'T CAAAAAARE!!!! BECAUSE I'M LEEEEEEAVING!!! I'M GOING HOOOOOME!!! hehe. and THAT's why it'll be water off my back. (or oil). =)

My big fat Korean wedding.

will not have any Koreans invited to it.

haha. I was so worried and sad that I might go the whole year without being invited to a Korean wedding. (Well, technically, I was invited to my VP's son's wedding but pretended I hadn't heard about it so I could have a free weekend...). BUUUUUT this weekend I impromptu-ly attended a Korean wedding of some not-so-distant relative.

The groom is my dad's 매형's 고모's dead daughter's living son. Or something like that. I was told we were going to the Incheon beach area for the day. So I was wearing my Rainbows, white shorts, and a navy polo shirt. Haha. My family said it was okay because I'm an American. We were going to pick up my Ansan family and go to the beach but then we were all reminded/invited to the wedding last minute and so we went.

It was interesting. Well, it was short and to the point. Very Korean. Although I was APPALLED at how much people were talking during the "ceremony". Maybe it was just the Jindo people who were bussed up (two full charter buses!!!) and the Chinese folks on the other side (bride is a Chinese gyopo), but it was like, we weren't even at a wedding. We were just sitting around at a bar catching up with old friends and other people we hadn't seen in a long time. Then they cut the cake and the MC (wft?) made the bride and groom do a bunch of shenanigans. Also, the random wedding helper people that worked at the hotel, were so... well, random. They held up swords for the bride and groom to walk under, shot ribbons out of trombones at them, and helped their mothers light candles, and some other stuff. 

I would think that half the point of my wedding would be the bridal party!!! I can't imagine a wedding sans bridal party! AND after the ceremony everyone goes down to eat and then leaves. It's more about the food than about the bride and groom. IT'S NOT ABOUT THE BRIDE!!! American weddings are SO about the bride!!! Geez, what a let down. Now I understand why when people at our church get married they try to find a way to trap their guests (i.e. have the reception on a boat). Because Koreans eat and run. That's what they do.

I'm going to have to rethink how many Koreans (old school ones) are going to be invited to my wedding. I promised my parents their friends could come ... but now I'm a bit worried, maybe I'll send a wedding etiquette brochure with my invites. 

A. Do not talk during the ceremony

B. Do not bring babies, children, or other guests whose names are NOT on the invites

C. Do not take pictures of yourself and/with people around you during my ceremony

D. Do not pilfer food from other people's tables

E. I'm sure there were more

On the whole, it was an interesting experience. I'm glad it happened. Now I'll know what to expect and have to figure out ways to curtail such behavior at my wedding (and if it means NO Koreans, so be it).

Luckily (or not?), I won't have to worry about this stuff for a loooooong time I think. Marriage is not looming in my near future.

Fraternité (warm)

Source: Jason Teale Photography

As much as I complain about Korea, there are some things that bring a smile to my face. I guess one of the biggies would be the brotherhood (or fraternité) I've observed and felt here.

Koreans are one of the most adamantly exclusive ethnicities I've ever encountered. There are some cons to this, naturally: perhaps stronger racism than other groups, a ridiculous amount of pride and nationalism, and also a higher than average rate of deformities/handicapped folks due to a smaller and less diverse gene pool.

However, the flip side of this staunch ethnic "solidarity" or whatever you may choose to call it, is that many Koreans consider each other and act as though they were all "family." This contributes to what I sense is rudeness on the street and subway (being bumped into and never apologized to). But it also has some nicer effects.

1. Seated passengers holding standing passengers' bags and parcels. I had never seen this in America but read about it in About Korea guides. Be it the subway or bus, I've seen people who are seated grab at standing people's bags and belongings. This is not theft but rather an offer to ease the discomfort of a standing person carrying heavy items. 

The first time this happened to me I was pleasantly surprised. It was my 2nd day going to the pool and I was carrying 2 heavy bags: my usual schoolbag with books and such and my duffel bag with all my toiletries (shampoo and other heavy things included) that I was bringing to put into my pool locker. The elderly gentleman sitting in front of where I stood motioned to me to give him my bags. I hadn't been expecting it but I was glad he did, after a full day of teaching, those bags were so heavy and the bus ride is about 20 minutes on a quick day.

2. This second event happened today and it brought a smile to my face (in a good way). After swimming I was in the locker room shower. The showers at my pool are just a longish rectangular shaped room with showerheads and mirrors every 3 feet or so. There are no curtains or other barriers between people in there. Just the showerheads and the drains. 

Anyway, today it was me and a group of 3 little girls (def elementary school-aged). One of the girls walks over to me and politely requests that I please untangle her hairtie from her hair. Apparently she had tried to do it herself and it had gotten horribly tangled. I obliged and told her it might hurt a bit but don't worry I'd get it out. It took about a minute or two and after I had finished she turned and politely thanked me. And as she walked back to her friends I smiled because this was a nice little encounter that I can't really imagine something like this happening in America.

First of all, America's crazy about child sexual predators and abuse and all that and even if such a request were made of me, I'd be nervous about being SEEN helping a naked little girl. I had not really thought about how conscious America is about physical contact between "adults" (I still don't feel like one) and children until my freshman year of college. 

I was in an early childhood ed. course where we all interned at various infant and child centers. One of the only boys mentioned during one class that he is VERY careful about his interactions with the children because they climb all over him and want to sit in his lap and give him hugs but he's wary of how the other (female) workers at the center would watch him. This was true, I had never confronted this but he said that people are often suspicious of males who are interested in young children.

Anyway, this event along with the whole priest-sexual abuse scandals heightened my awareness of adult and minor relations in America. As the head coordinator person of our church's youth group, my mom even had to attend and consequently run "Protecting God's Children" seminars to educate and train EVERY and ANYone over 18 working with the youth at our church (this included the PTA parents and the college-aged counselors). This only increased my sensitivity to the delicate matter of adult-minor relations.

So coming from this very cautious background where I've heard stories from friends during their "student teacher" period having to watch little things like ruffling students' hair and giving hugs to crying/injured students, what happened today was kindof heartwarming. It was like a nod to the safe world of yesteryear shown in TV shows like "The Wonder Years" and "Leave it to Beaver" where your neighborhood and community FELT like one and people trusted each other.

This small gesture by a little girl who needed help made me realize that despite it's flaws as a tiny country inhabited by a very strongly defined ethnic group, there is a degree of (default) trust here that I have rarely witnessed in America. I am often surprised by the little displays of trust that I see here everyday. And although it does seem as though this trust is a bit on the decline as urbanization and development chip away at the old community feel, it's nice to know that it's still alive and kicking.

National unity and pride is thrust upon them while they're still young.

schwimming.

i went back to the pool yesterday after an 11-day hiatus. mostly caused by the end of my lessons and a short week followed by long weekend on the family island.

anyway, i was going to go on monday and put it off because i could. and i had a million excuses not to. also, i was scared, that it would be lonely without all the familiar faces, that i would look a fool practicing butterfly on my own, that i would have to share a lane and crash into people.. ykno.

anyway, i went yesterday and it was good. so good. not perfect (things rarely are), but good. of course all the instructors were gone. there were a bunch of new faces in place. unfamiliar, unfriendly faces. but i probably thought the same thing when i first went to the pool anyway.

so i went to the pool. and i stayed about 10 minutes longer than my lessons normally last. but i still did the minimum 15 laps i always do. my instructor told me he usually makes me do between 15 and 20 per 40-50 minute lesson. so i did the same amount but clearly my rests were a lot longer.

i was so winded. and some of my muscles were killing me in the water but not really sore or in pain today (yay for stretching it out in the pool!). so i think i'm good. plus it felt SO good to be in the water again and block out everything else in my mind/life/surroundings.

it WAS a little awkward at first. i could FEEL i wasn't doing the strokes right. but after a few turns, it all worked out. I didn't do any full on butterfly practice because i could tell my muscles were def not up to it. but i did some half butterfly (one arm at a time) for 2 laps. i think my instructor would've been proud of my solo practice. =)

must go back today.

the new instructors aren't giving lessons until the 15th, so we'll see what happens with the rest of this month.

an interesting thought.

this week may very well be my last week of teaching real lessons.

seeing how next week i only have the one demonstration class on tuesday and english camp on friday.

and then the week after that is my last week teaching here PERIOD so i'll just have them learn things like "good bye/thank you/i'll miss you" that week and say my  good-byes to my kids.

so as i just finished my last powerpoint for this week's 2nd grade lesson, i'm realizing this is quite possibly the last teaching i'll be doing for real. for a full week. HAAAAHAHAHAHAHA. JOY.

also, last week i had to sign some piece of paper with 사직서 (i think i wrote this but i forget) so my co-teacher could hand it in to the money office that is my official resignation at the end of this month. woohoo!!!

plussss i have this giant pile of boxes next to the piano in my room ANNND all i'm gonna keep doing is packing. YAYYY.

i'll write about the sad side of leaving later. right now is about joy.

one non-happy note: i haven't swam in like 10 days ... and my family tried to stuff me this past weekend = i gained like 1.5 kilos. which is like 3 lbs. i MUST make myself go to the pool even if i don't have an instructor for this month.

June plans.

P.S. I've just started to know my kids names. WITHOUT their nametags. haha. A little too late...

Okay, so I've already written that I was granted my request to terminate my Fulbright contract early and I'm leaving Korea on July 2nd.

I wrote my mandatory "Thank you" to Mrs. Shim and mailed it off yesterday. I spent all of Monday packing up boxes of books and winter clothes to send home pre-arrival of moi. Yesterday, after school, I had to sign a paper with "사직서" which is like my formal resignation or something for the office that pays me moneys. I'm so out of here, SO soon. I can really feel it.

Anyways, June is gonna fly by, possibly quicklier than May. (And not a moment too soon as my English is deteriorating somewhat horribly...)

This week: Today's my last day of work for the week. YES 2-day workweek. Going to 광주 and then 진도 for my final familial hurrah. Back on Monday.

2nd week: 4 day workweek, probably Seoul on the weekend to say goodbye to friends.

3rd week: 2 day workweek (possibly ONE DAY week), dinner with everyone I've been friends with in Cheongju (FBers, swimming oppa, favorite teachers, family friends). Fulbright final dinner in Seoul, NKSK soccer game with my cousins, and possible templestay.

4th week: 4 day workweek, mostly goodbye parties in every class. Finish packing over the weekend. Go up to Seoul and stay with family for 2 days prob. GO TO ICN AND USAAAAAA!!!!!!!

It's gonna flyyyyyyy byyyyyyyyyyyy.......

English Translations

So, my school has been CHOSEN to serve as Exhibit A of how teaching English to 1st and 2nd graders looks.

TRANSLATION: MY SCHOOL IS PLAYING HOST TO A BEVY OF TEACHERS FROM ALL OVER MY PROVINCE ON JUNE 17th AND I HAVE TO DO ALL OF THE ENGLISH PREPARATION FOR IT.

Okay. So TECHNICALLY the 1st and 2nd grade teachers are supposed to do all of the English preparation which means that I am the one de facto doing all the work. ALL 11 (READ: ELEVEN) teachers have to prepare lesson plans in ENGLISH and so last week all I did all week was revise and edit English lesson plans. ELEVEN DIFFERENT LESSON PLANS. 

And the teachers were actually thinking of me and tried to all teach the same lesson that day so I would have less DIFFERENT things to oversee, but the principal decided that what is the point of ALL doing the same lesson (EXCEPT HMM MAKING SENSE?!?!?). And he decided each teacher is taking a different chapter from the textbook to teach. THIS MAKES NO SENSE SEEING HOW LEADING INTO THAT DAY OF OPEN/DEMONSTRATION CLASSES I AM ONLY ONE PERSON SEEING/TEACHING EACH CLASS ONLY ONCE A WEEK.

Anyway, lesson plans are short and mostly the same. Plus the teachers reused all the English from my lesson plans so there's not much to correct. ON THE OTHER HAND, each chapter has this "introduction section" in the teacher's manual that must be attached to the lesson plan. And THIS section is a HOT HOT mess. The teachers translated this when they made the textbook last year. And it's now my responsibility to "correct" this section (FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN'T TELL THAT IT'S INCORRECT AS IS). How I am supposed to correct something when I'm not sure of it's original intent/meaning is beyond me. 

So, I just make it up as I go. I kindof guess what Koreans would've said. And try to approximate it in English. And sometimes the grammar is wrong or awkward, but I don't care. I can't do any more of these. And I think I still have 6 more. I've already done 5. Blech.

An example I think would be most illuminating.

The original English in 1st grade textbook:
Lesson 4. Run, Candy
Goals of this unit: Child feels an intimate feeling in the animals. Specially, from the family it raises it holds with the member of the family and it has the love which is special in the cat. Playing which with consequently like this animals is familiar to side overlook only mind young this each person the bay it knows, There is a possibility becoming the help in emotional growth. In the process Lesson 4, student can learn how to order and response through play a game.

Google image search result for "ARE YOU KIDDING ME":

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO "CORRECT" THIS ENGLISH? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO MEAN... They ask me to correct this, and I'm like, "Um, ok yea sure..."

Christine-ified version: 

Goals of this unit: From a young age, children display an interest in animals. A special example of loved animals is pets, who are raised in the family and are treated with a special love. Playing with animals and learning to take care of them and treat them well can help children achieve emotional growth. In Lesson 4, students will learn how to give simple commands by role-playing with pets.

Happy Birthday, Mommy!!!

In lieu of being a good daughter who wrote a card or sent a timely present, I want to talk about the two most important people in my life. I want to tell you, the Internet world, about two of the most amazing people I know. In case you were thinking Senator J. William Fulbright or the first person to make chocolate chip cookies (a close third), you're wrong. The two most amazing people I know are my parents.

Sometimes you never really realize how great your parents are until you hear someone else talking about them. It sometimes comes to me, randomly; the thought will just enter my thinking sphere and flit across my consciousness and just as quickly disappear. But every now and then, I have a moment, something happens, or a light clicks, and I go, "Wow, my parents are so amazing."

Example 1: 

Immigrant Family on Ellis Island

In college I took some random classes and somehow ended up working with recent Hispanic immigrants. A lot. I studied them, I spoke with them, I taught them, I volunteered in community centers with them, I called them on behalf of their kids' school. I spent a lot of time observing and interacting with Hispanic immigrants. I saw (kindof) how hard their life was, what kind of roadblocks America threw at them, how difficult it is to sustain yourself and your family while building up a solid foundation for what I would call a fulfilling and satisfying life in America. This was really my first experience with what life was like for recent immigrants. 

I mean, I knew my parents were immigrants, it's not like I grew up without the customary

"You have no idea what your dad and I went through. You have no idea what we had to sacrifice and put up with to get here. You're so ungrateful and you're so spoiled."

I knew they had "had it rough," that they had started off in a studio apartment in Queens. I knew they had both worked and gone to night school at the same time. But I never really FELT it, I never really SAW it, I never really BELIEVED it. Because of all that they had done and endured, I was so sheltered and far removed from those experiences that they were never REAL to me.

My experiences with the Hispanic community in Durham gave me my first glimpse into the life of a recent immigrant. It gave me a feel for what it's like to not be at home. What it's like to play someone else's game by someone else's rules. You're just an impromptu player. Sure, you wanted to join, but you didn't really know what the game (or sometimes even the stakes) really was. Whenever we had the essay prompt: Who is someone you admire and why? I would always answer with "My parents because they immigrated to America and went through a lot so I could have a better life." But that was so cliche. I didn't REALLY know what I was thankful for. I didn't UNDERSTAND why my parents were defaultly admirable for producing a second generation kid like me. I just knew that was the right answer. 

Consequently, doing all the community service and ESL work I did in Durham was one of the FIRST times that the meaning of what my parents had been through even flickered across my consciousness.

Example 2:

When I first got to my placement city in Korea, I was finally striking out on my own. I had left the nest and was supposed to figure out how to do this flying thing without crashing and breaking my little bird skull on the concrete sidewalk (or in Korea, the brick sidewalk). Anyway, I had been playing with the idea of "parallels" in my mom's and my life (I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this in earlier entries). 

1. My mom got married when she was 22 years old and immigrated to America. 

2. I graduated college when I was 22 years old and accepted a yearlong fellowship in Korea.

Both the same age, moving in opposite directions across the Pacific, and setting upon totally different journeys.

Okay, so I know I've said it before. But yea, this was the first time I realized how difficult exactly it is to try living in another country. Let's not count the benefits I had that she (and my dad) didn't, shan't we... 

I had a secure, guaranteed, highly respected job waiting for me. I had room and board supplied for me. I had a 6-week Orientation including foreign language classes. I came with a coterie of compatriots, 70 to be exact, to share my triumphs and sorrows. I had a strong support group in place that I could contact with the click of a mouse or a few buttons on the phone (GOOO 28 years of technology!!!). I had grown up learning the language in context. I had grown up with access to both the culture and the greater Korean community. I LOOKED like I fit in. I knew that if I hated it, I was definitely going to be able to leave after a year.

In short, I had it so much easier, and yet I still felt like I had it so rough. And that only highlighted how much harder it had to have been for my parents, newlyweds with two suitcases and rudimentary English skills. (I've been teaching here for a year, I KNOW the school-learned English they took with them was useful for, um, NOTHING save describing the weather perhaps).

So the fact that I really had come face-to-face with what it's like to LIVE in another country, even one that claims to be my motherland and one whose culture I'd been sampling all my life, really drove the point home, that what my parents (and countless others of their generation) had done, was really quite remarkable, quite admirable, and even completely surprising. I could NOT believe they didn't pack up their bags, call it quits, and come back. (I know enough random families who have).

Realizing that what they did was so much harder than what I was doing and that everything they endured had been so much tougher was another, "Wow, my parents are amazing," moment.

Example 3: The thing that spurred me to write this entry

I had dinner and coffee tonight with some old family friends. They were two Korean priests who had been consecutively sent to our Korean parish in New Jersey. One had been there from 1996 to 1998. The other had been there from 1998 to 2000. They had known me and my family pretty much a decade ago, give or take a few years.

The first notable thing was that after a decade they still remembered me and my parents. They still cared about my parents enough to call me and take me out for a rather expensive and ridiculously delicious dinner. To me, this says something about their estimation of my parents and consequently how my parents treated them.

For nearly all my accessible memory, my parents have been superactive in our church. My mom has served in so many capacities, as a Sunday School teacher, a Korean School teacher, Korean School principal, youth group director, PTA liaison, education director/"provost", and those are only the positions that I remember and can name positions, too. There are so many other things she directed and led and coordinated. Even after my sister and I were no longer active members of the youth community. She both attends and teaches Bible scripture study classes. My dad has always been active, too, though in quieter roles. He would do Sunday readings, he served as an acolyte (my sister and I used to tease him that his specialty was incense-waving), he is often a Mass narrator (I forget what they're called), and he was our 구역 leader and all these other important things where he would go to official-type meetings.

I'm not particularly religious (as of the past 2 or so years) and I know I should be, especially in light of the fact that I really do think God smiles down on my life. But anyway, the point is, my parents are totally active members of our church. Everyone at our church and many people at churches in NJ, NY, PA, VA, and even CA and others know my parents. So, it's not surprising to me that former and current priests that have met and know my parents remember them.

What does surprise me, is how fondly they remember my parents. How much they seem to genuinely respect my parents, and how often this translates into how well they treat me and my sister and the respect they show us, now as young ladies entering society proper.

Tonight, the two family friend priests and I were joined by a third priest from the city of Cheongju that I was meeting for the first time. They continually praised and described my parents (and family) to the third priest. I was struck by all the good things they had to say. I've been surprised and struck by all the things they've told me my parents did for them and how my parents helped them out. I won't bore you with another list of the things that my parents did and the wonderful things they were saying about my parents.

But the things I could hear in their voices, how much they really respected my dad, how much they appreciated my mom's work in the community, and how even they, the priests, admired my parents for everything they've endured and achieved - that meant a lot to me. My eyes welled up as I tried to maintain the illusion of aloofness that is considered polite when a "young'n" is present and privy to grown-ups' conversation.

I am so proud of my parents. For the many things I know about them. And for so many more that I didn't and don't yet know about them. 

Whenever I complained that my mom spent more time at church and that I was the one who had to sacrifice playdates and prompt rides to and pickups from places she used to say:

I really believe that the more I give and sacrifice for our church community, the more that will manifest itself as grace and blessings and good fortune for you and your sister. I don't do it for me, I do it for you.

I guess you could say she believes in karma. And I'm not going to lie; I definitely believe in it, too. Especially because I seem unfittingly to be on the receiving end of it.

Clearly not following in my parents' footsteps - the kind of gift I normally give to others, exactly those things that I myself want.

And so, at the end of this lengthy diatribe, I guess it's only fitting to conclude by saying: Happy Birthday, Mommy!!! Here's to another year of happiness and health. And my strengthened conviction to make you proud of me, as I am of you. And that's the big present for this year and many to come. (In addition to your new Sony Wii and Wii Fit board).

JOYOUS JOY OF LIFE!!!

I'm leaving Korea "early"!!! I'm leaving Korea "early"!!! I'm leaving Korea "early"!!! I'm leaving Korea "early"!!! I'm leaving Korea "early"!!!

Dear Christine,
After review of your application for early departure, Mrs.
Shim has decided to grant your request.

YAYYY!!!!! I'm LEAVING KOREA JULY 2ND!!! I KNEW if I wanted it bad enough and kept telling people I was leaving July 2nd, it would come true. It's like all those Disney movies and Thomas the little engine that could said: If you believe in something enough, (and you're clearly in the right) it'll happen!!!

Miss. Will and Do.

So, now that the time for me to leave Korea draws near, people here have started asking me that horrible, guiltifying question of, "What will you miss?"


And it's horrible and guiltifying because every time I've been asked, I haven't had an answer. The well-meaning questioner waits, and waits, and waits, and waits some more. All the while I wrack my brain and sputter something about how there's so much I can't really pick something specific or make something up about how life here is so convenient and feel stupid about not being able to give details about what I mean when further prodded.


And so I've decided to ponder this because I KNOW there are things I'll miss. And I know it'll be much easier to make this list from the other side of that ocean, but in the meantime, I feel it's at least being a good sport of me to humor the people who've been so generous and well-meaning towards me these past 10 months. If I had a guest who were leaving my home, I would want to know that there had been some good things to be missed.


Unfortunately, a lot of the things I'll miss in Korea are foods that I can no longer eat (haven't eaten for the past 4 months) so I feel like it's cheating to put them on my list. But I will anyway. (no people on my lists-only things/experiences).



Korean stuff I will miss:
delivery anything. twinberry cheesecake ice cream from baskin robbins. green tea chewisty donuts. green tea lattes. angel-in-us. banana milk. sweet vegemil soymilk. 2,000 won (now 2,300) baskin robbins. 졸졸 hodduk. supersweet lemonade. shoe service. wide shoes. excellent A/S. this yummy fiberlicious apple yogurt. the idea of my students. public transportation. cheap cabs. cheap transportation. super-clean subway. cheap manicures. being a busride away from all my friends. $20 때massage. proliferation of jjimjilbangs. 50 cent or $1 ice cream bars. =)




And to balance out the entry with some Asian-style yin and yang...


American stuff I do miss:

dryers. AC. organic skim milk. BOTTLED WATER. water with lemon at restaurants. granola. any combo of cheese, chicken, and carbs. mexican black beans. ny style thin crust pizza. white wine. pedicures. new yorker magazines. perusing barnes. italian food. chinese take out. mac/apple stores. jcrew stores. trying on shoes. trying on clothes. calling ppl when i feel like it and not worrying about time zones.having a car. (having other people drive me around). personal space. cheesecake factory. non-korean asian food (including fusion).