there is no

wind in my sails.

i'm wiped. absolutely throw me on the ground and wipe the floor with me wiped.

i'll get over i know i will. but it's like anytime i try to puff up my little hope sails, korea comes and slices right through the sails and i'm all deflated.

i'm getting all my metaphors mixed up. i apologize.

swimming is most likely a no-go at this point. how do i go from being super-jazzed about signing up and having my first swim class tomorrow to NO swim class? easy. actually go visit the facility, try to hammer out the details. and get smashed in the face by korea. i TRY not to take it personally, i really do. i think repeating to myself OVER AND OVER again on the the walk out "it's not personal it's not personal it's not personal" was the only thing that kept me from crying.



it's like i get these ideas and i REALLY REALLY want to do something and i get so excited for it and prepare every little thing, and then i get there, and there's nothing. korea just pulls everything out from under me. i know i know. i'm being melodramatic. but right now is the time for that. and the time for rationalizing and dusting that dirt off my shoulder will come later. hopefully in a few hours. more likely when i wake up tomorrow.

so after successfully calling the pool place on saturday and asking the right questions and registering over the phone. i decided to go today to check it out and work out some transportation details. so i had signed up for a 9pm class. and i chose this place bc it was the closest to my apartment that had a shuttle bus. unfortunately the last bus of the day was the one that TOOK me to the class. so i went to figure out how long it takes to walk and if there are any regular city buses that run the course.

of course, the bus i would have to take TO this class is really at 7pm so i would be out of the house (re: not lesson planning) from 7pm to 11pm. UNABLE to lesson plan for longer because i would come home and eat dinner at 6pm and come home around 11pm so i would basically be able to get NO work done all day. ALSO, no buses from anywhere near the pool to my house. so i'd have to walk alone at 11pm or take a cab at night back to my apartment.

there was a 7am class. but shuttles don't start until 8am. and so i would have to cab/walk to class at 7am. then finish around 8am. if i showered and got dressed it would put me at 8:20~30am and the shuttle back would've already left at 8:15. if i take the 9:15 shuttle back, i get to my apt at 9:40 and thus to school at 9:50 which is a little uncomfortably close for a 10am start. PLUS we reschedule classes into my 9am slot sometimes.

the ONLY class time that fits WITHIN the shuttle schedule is at 10am, the start of my first class. and after WALKING 40 minutes to the pool. then talking on the phone with joan unni for 15 min about what to do. then talking with the receptionist for another 30 minutes. i walked out of there with nothing but lead in my heart and tears in my eyes. BUT the tears did not fall. do not miss the wonderful "upside" to this adventure.

UPSIDE to swimming disaster: i am slowly realizing (brainwashing self) that all my setbacks in korea are not PERSONAL attacks on me. but somehow just a "coincidence" of bad luck that happens in Korea. my golden child status has run out. korea does not recognize me for what america clearly does...

Q.E.D.