Monday, January 28, 2008

mixed feelings

this morning started out totally bummeriffic. well, first of all, it was monday. so that was strike #1. 2nd of all i was waking up at 7:20am. that was strike #2. but imo made pancakes for breakfast so that was ok. anyways, i get to school, and the boss lady of this english camp said something that totally blew me away.

lady: so, is it difficult to teach teachers?
me: mm no, it's better than i had expected. it's ok
lady: i think you're better teaching children
me: ?!?!?!??!

so this was minutes before i went into my first class for the day and it TOTALLY bummed me out. the whole first hour i couldn't think of anything else but what she said. or meant. or whatever. i totally thought she was trying to tell me i'm not good at teaching teachers. i don't deal well w/criticism. esp not at something i enjoy doing or think i'm marginally good at.

during my 2nd hour of class i started thinking and reasoning with myself. maybe she didn't mean it like how i had taken it. maybe something was lost in translation. because seriously, that's a totally rude thing to say to someone. i started to think maybe she had meant something else, like i PREFER teaching children or that i'm more suited to teach children, i don't know. but i started thinking that i didn't care what she meant bc i just couldn't afford to. i had more important things to worry about: like what happens next in ugly betty. haha.

anyways, i got lots of reassurance from the other girl english teacher (i told her what happened) and 2 of my loveliest lady friends here in korea. so that made me feel much better. altho i WAS nervous that someone told the lady boss behind my back. mostly because of an incident last week. i always ask the teachers if they understand or if they want me to repeat or if i should slow down. and they always respond that everything is fine (even tho i don't always believe them). and then friday the lady boss takes me aside to tell me some students think i'm talking a little too quickly, could i maybe slow down a bit? and i don't know why but it really upset me that they couldn't tell me to my face and went to her. (mostly bc this woman treats me like i'm an idiot - i don't know if it's on purpose or just her normal tone of voice bc it seems that maybe she's just condescending in general) and i didn't want her to have any reasons for thinking i'm incompetent. or unaware of the fact that i'm a fast talker. so that's why i was nervous that maybe some students DID go to her and tell her i'm a horrible teacher.

ok, so that was part 1 of why i was not in a good mood this morning. but over the course of the day i decided i AM a good teacher. or at least putting forth a lot of effort. i DO. and that's something you can't deny. i try my best at things i do. because i am a huge nerd like that. and that's why i am so health conscious because i know my stress level is high and i do things to only add to it and i don't want to have a heart attack. or an aneurysm. or anything like that.

moving on. today during the day was also kindof springy weathery. and almost february. which reminded me thaaaaaaaat JCREW SPRING LINE WOULD BE OUT. so whoopee i checked online when i got home and it is. and i didn't like THAT much of it (i usually don't) their 2nd iteration of spring/summer clothing is usually much better. buuuuuuuut jcrew spring line meeeeeans SPRING IS COMING!!! YAYY!!! and i miss getting catalogs. a LOT. i LOVE jcrew catalogs. and circling stuff and folding down page corners. =) it really doesn't take much to make me happy.

p.s. i also found out that i am not a COMPLETE waste of space. i am actually QUITE accomplished in this past month. so a friend of mine called me to console me about the mean lady boss thing, and she confessed that she had watched ALL 10 SEASONS of FRIENDS in this past month. aaaaaaaaahahahahhaa. that made me feel good. becaaaaaauuuuuuse i had watched pirates of the caribbean 1 and 2, both seasons of 30 rock, caught up on the last 2 seasons of entourage, watched season 1 of ugly betty, and as of last night, am 4 episodes away from the rest of season 2 of ugly betty. so yes, clearly it has been a productive month for all americans in korea. ok, so maybe just 2 of us. whatever. it was totally worth it.

ok that was long. i'm hungry. and i need to type up my lesson plan for tomorrow before watching some more of ugly betty season 2. hehe.

i miss my family. and i miss my duke favs. and ppl in NJ who are like my family. a LOT. they are so wonderful. and i miss my girls here in korea. i haven't seen any of them in over a week. i think it's that part of the cycle again. i think probs a few times a month the homesickness/missing ppl i love-ness becomes unbearable. and i want to cry all the time. and EVERYTHING reminds me of them. and the past few days have been like that. =T

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