Sunday, December 2, 2007

monday, monday (vent then reconcile)

it's shaping up to be those mondays that makes everyone hate mondays based on reputation only.


FIRST of all, i get to school, of COURSE no lesson plan from the slacker 2nd grade teachers. they're all NICE, but none of them PARTICULARLY REALLY cares for english. one teacher does. but she can't make the lesson plans ALL the time. plus she treats me like a parrot (actually i think she thinks she's doing me a favor by letting me "rest" for most of the class but i just get bored and feel useless).

NEXT, i have messaged ALL of the 2nd grade teachers, of COURSE still no lesson plan or response. ok wahtever, i know they'll apologize tomorrow. and i'll smile and say OK. but whatever.

NEXT, THIS FRIDAY, i will kill someone. probably. there is this "mandatory" english teachers program in jaecheon for all us chungbuk english teachers. HOWEVER, maia's teacher ASKED her if she wanted to go, and she said NO and so she doesn't have to. I DONT EVEN WORK ON FRIDAYS.

so ok. apparently it IS mandatory. and NO we cannot ask for compensation bc apparently the board of ed thinks it's doing us a FAVOR. talk about retarded. what kind of favor starts my weekend off on a bad note, takes 15+ hours of my time, is a 5-6 hour roundtrip commute away, and is korean ppl teaching me english? I DONT KNOW BUT IT SURE SOUNDS LIKE THIS FRIDAY. hmmmph.

anyway, there were more things, like how every time i ask my teachers to talk to the janitortype staff to fix my desks and chairs they don't, or say we'll jus fix them ourselves, and yet the mismatched chairsa nd desks are STILL distrating EVERY class i teach. teachers here are retarded sometimes. KOREANS are retarded sometimes. it begs the question, WHY?

buuuuuuuuuuuuuut, as my mom so wisely pointed out, asking "why" ppl act a certain way is jus maddening and itself begs no solution. so, i took a few breaths after freaking out and being pissed for 15 minutes and realized, i can't always ask WHY and then brood cuz tehre is no answer, and even if tehre is, it's not going to help me. sometimes you can only accept things and move on.

also, "fair" is not how the world always operates. and as much as i hate to admit it. that admission's gotten me a long way in terms of sanity and coping. also, i've been warming up to the idea, ok NOT warming up exactly, but slowly acknowledging and pondering that it is POSSIBLE that the world does not ALWAYS EXACTLY QUITE revolve around me, what i want, and what i think is right/fair.

email from wint: "according to one of those earlier psychologists, i think ppl specifically kids are supposed to grow outta that stage where they think the world revolves around them when they're like 8 lol. you apparently are very held back in that phase my dear"

well, looks like i'm making SOME progress, however late it may be. anyways, i've made peace with this friday. and my 2nd grade teacher sent me the lesson plan 5 minutes ago (after a day of class) with her most sincere apologies. and i dont hold it against her. she's a mom w/kids and the head teacher of her grade, and has her 36 kids all day long. i have nothing to complain about.

i have much less on my plate than anyone else i know in korea (even my hostsibs). and eventually "living abroad in a foreign culture alone" stops being an excuse for everything. so, yup. here's my positive outlook kicking in. (it's been in gear for a bit, but the newness of it is hard to shake off ...). i'm a work in progress. =)

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