Thursday, October 25, 2007
i hate korean beauty standards (negative)
(in case you haven't noticed i started rating the mood of my entries)
i HATE HATE HATE HAAATE korean beauty standards.
it is EXACTLY what i expected in terms of the shallowness of this country. the pervasive plastic surgery, the same exact conformist look that most koreans fit into the mold of, the freaking starving looking crane-like women that are adored and admired.
if i sound bitter it's because i AM. i have NEVER (RARELY) been in a situation where i am considered so ugly. let's start at the top:
*i don't have bangs or some weird mullet haircut or superlong straight goth hair that korean men (apparently) find superattractive
*i have small eyes
*my skin is dark, and full of scars, not clear right now (this is your own fault, korea)
*i have strong, broad shoulders
*my arms are too fat (esp. upper) korean shirtsleeves slowly cut off my circulation
*my torso isnt that long or lean
*i have a lower tummy poof
*my hips are too wide
*i have big feet (they barely fit into the biggest size korea has to offer)
i hate having people constantly talk about my figure/face/size/skin color/etc.etc.etc.
i KNOW that i am NOT fat. i have never been "overweight" in my life. i am no longer the skinny rail i was up till about 10th grade, i've filled out and ykno gained my "woman" weight but i have still never considered myself, or BEEN considered "BIG". and i am NOT ok with that. i know i should just be happy being me and not care what others think but sometimes it gets tiring. the thick skin eventually gets cut, especially when there are like 5 cuts a day.
even imo, whom all my blog readers know i adore and is vastly responsible for my sanity in this country, falls victim to this korea body image culture. it's not her fault, i don't blame her, it's just part of her being in the korean "water" for too long and so she can't NOT do it. but she's made comments like "oh i saw your pants drying and thought they were dennis (my 13 yr old host bro) bc they were so narrow - i thought your butt was bigger" or "hey your butt is kinda on the big side huh, you're not exactly the "skinny" body type". so WHAT? who CARES? maybe i'm jus supersensitive and she was juts making factual observations, but after being SURROUNDED by so many confirmations that i am NOT attractive in korea, it's hard to take in stride.
i am mostly wider/bigger than most korean men my age here also. that helps, really. it makes me feel a lot better about myself. times like this i miss america's obesity epidemic and eric's big duck butt that make me feel normal and attractive and not OGRE or MEGATRON-like. even in america i was jokingly called "ogre" by my guy friends cuz my asian girlfriends were so teeny tiny that i was relatively really actually an ogre.
i dunno, it's my students constantly telling me i look prettier with makeup (a joke to begin with, but not when you hear it everyday). today one of my girls started massaging my shoulders and she says "teacher, you have very muscular shoulders!" in alarm, and i was like yes thank you (i thought it was a compliment) and she repeated with even more alarm. and i was like whati 'm confused??? and one of the other girls goes, you know if you have muscle that makes you fat. i was so bewildered by this idea that i was left speechless. the other girls all agreed and backed her up. THESE GIRLS ARE 10. i can't believe this is what they believe. this would explain why i am the only female at my gym who actually TRIES to work up a sweat on any of the machines even though i am probably on them for the same time or less than the other women who go there to "work out".
ugh. sorry so negative. my school festival tomorrow morning should cheer me up. i miss america and her "healthy" women. i miss america and her diversity of body shapes/sizes/colors. i miss having stores with clothes that are NOT free size and that actually fit differently sized people. i try so hard to like korea and every day she throws this crap like this at me that makes it so hard to like her. korea is so FREAKING BACKWARDS AND CLOSEMINDED AND RETARDED SOMETIME I JUST WANNA SCREEEEEEAM. (here it is, i'm laying it out: 100% honest and organic)
edit: ok so i realize the model is NOT korean, or a picture of a "korean beauty" but somehow i feel like even tho this image EXISTS in the "western" world, it's not so enforced or as pervasive in the general average cultural space as it is in GENERAL korean culture.