Thursday, October 25, 2007

i hate korean beauty standards (negative)

(in case you haven't noticed i started rating the mood of my entries)

i HATE HATE HATE HAAATE korean beauty standards.

it is EXACTLY what i expected in terms of the shallowness of this country. the pervasive plastic surgery, the same exact conformist look that most koreans fit into the mold of, the freaking starving looking crane-like women that are adored and admired.

if i sound bitter it's because i AM. i have NEVER (RARELY) been in a situation where i am considered so ugly. let's start at the top:
*i don't have bangs or some weird mullet haircut or superlong straight goth hair that korean men (apparently) find superattractive
*i have small eyes
*my skin is dark, and full of scars, not clear right now (this is your own fault, korea)
*i have strong, broad shoulders
*my arms are too fat (esp. upper) korean shirtsleeves slowly cut off my circulation
*my torso isnt that long or lean
*i have a lower tummy poof
*my hips are too wide
*i have big feet (they barely fit into the biggest size korea has to offer)

i hate having people constantly talk about my figure/face/size/skin color/etc.etc.etc.

i KNOW that i am NOT fat. i have never been "overweight" in my life. i am no longer the skinny rail i was up till about 10th grade, i've filled out and ykno gained my "woman" weight but i have still never considered myself, or BEEN considered "BIG". and i am NOT ok with that. i know i should just be happy being me and not care what others think but sometimes it gets tiring. the thick skin eventually gets cut, especially when there are like 5 cuts a day.

even imo, whom all my blog readers know i adore and is vastly responsible for my sanity in this country, falls victim to this korea body image culture. it's not her fault, i don't blame her, it's just part of her being in the korean "water" for too long and so she can't NOT do it. but she's made comments like "oh i saw your pants drying and thought they were dennis (my 13 yr old host bro) bc they were so narrow - i thought your butt was bigger" or "hey your butt is kinda on the big side huh, you're not exactly the "skinny" body type". so WHAT? who CARES? maybe i'm jus supersensitive and she was juts making factual observations, but after being SURROUNDED by so many confirmations that i am NOT attractive in korea, it's hard to take in stride.

i am mostly wider/bigger than most korean men my age here also. that helps, really. it makes me feel a lot better about myself. times like this i miss america's obesity epidemic and eric's big duck butt that make me feel normal and attractive and not OGRE or MEGATRON-like. even in america i was jokingly called "ogre" by my guy friends cuz my asian girlfriends were so teeny tiny that i was relatively really actually an ogre.

i dunno, it's my students constantly telling me i look prettier with makeup (a joke to begin with, but not when you hear it everyday). today one of my girls started massaging my shoulders and she says "teacher, you have very muscular shoulders!" in alarm, and i was like yes thank you (i thought it was a compliment) and she repeated with even more alarm. and i was like whati 'm confused??? and one of the other girls goes, you know if you have muscle that makes you fat. i was so bewildered by this idea that i was left speechless. the other girls all agreed and backed her up. THESE GIRLS ARE 10. i can't believe this is what they believe. this would explain why i am the only female at my gym who actually TRIES to work up a sweat on any of the machines even though i am probably on them for the same time or less than the other women who go there to "work out".

ugh. sorry so negative. my school festival tomorrow morning should cheer me up. i miss america and her "healthy" women. i miss america and her diversity of body shapes/sizes/colors. i miss having stores with clothes that are NOT free size and that actually fit differently sized people. i try so hard to like korea and every day she throws this crap like this at me that makes it so hard to like her. korea is so FREAKING BACKWARDS AND CLOSEMINDED AND RETARDED SOMETIME I JUST WANNA SCREEEEEEAM. (here it is, i'm laying it out: 100% honest and organic)

edit: ok so i realize the model is NOT korean, or a picture of a "korean beauty" but somehow i feel like even tho this image EXISTS in the "western" world, it's not so enforced or as pervasive in the general average cultural space as it is in GENERAL korean culture.


경아 said...

i agree. last thursday morning during breakfast my hostfather nonchalantly commented to my hostmother "킴벌리가 처음 태안으로 왔을때 뚱뚱했는대 살 많이 파젔지?" :( i try not to let it get to me but how can it not!?!

Amelia said...

To be completely honest, you are one of the most superficially beautiful people on the program. The other person who I think is incredibly beautiful is Dana, and neither of you are starving yourselves to be that way.

On a deeper level, you are a brilliant, accomplished, intelligent, and wonderful person. Your beauty really is reflected throughout.

That being said, Korea is ass backwards about certain things, and I agree this is one of those things.

My cousin who was rail thin, was really toned and muscular, but she still looked rail thin, and she said she was fat, because of her muscles... it made me want to smack her, and she's 27 or something.

You're so beautiful overall, Korea won't kill that, thick skin though, is obviously needed here.

lydia said...

aww, christine - sorry for not keeping up with blogging, but I completely empathize with you on this point. I feel myself getting shallower with every passing moment, in terms of physical appearance and whether or not I will measure up to the wandering and judgmental eyes (ubiquitous in Korea) of STRANGERS. I mean, cognitively, I KNOW I shouldn't give a shit, but...

Just "but."


Point: Christine, you're beautiful!

grayshifter said...

Would it be weird if I said that you are smokin', smokin' hot? I mean, you need to be glad that I like the dudefolks because otherwise I'd be your number one stalker. I kid you not.

And yeah, Korean beauty standards blow dirty kimchi. Don't give in and don't feel bad! I have yet to see a Korean national who is as pretty as you are. Thanks to crappy plastic surgery, they all look like starved, weird-eyelidded aliens. WTF went wrong, Korea?

I hate to sound like an angry weguk, but this one is SOLIDLY in Korea's court. This is a problem with THEM, not us.

musicfrommyseoul said...

i hear ya! some Korean women also are very mean because they feel so insecure. or because they work so hard at being skinny that they're bitter... their only joy is making fun of average people.

don't sweat it. you're totally great!!

bluegreenfields said...

well said:)