Sunday, October 7, 2007

the weekend of "i speak american" and "i talk english"

so this weekend in busan was good. the PIFF (pusan international film festival) was fun. i saw two movies: Cinta andWest 32nd. Cinta was like a Malaysian Love Actually but better and deepr IMO (and it was so good - jess and i cried - jason had no idea wat love was - and luke was figuring out the korean subtitles). West 32nd was about the Korean kinda ganglife stuff in NY and i liked it!!! it was kinda scary cuz ppl got stabbed and shot and stuff but it made me so homesick!!! the korean dudes totally reminded me of my friends from home/college and their silly bantering and stuff and it was nice to see some signs and streets and stuff i recognized. so the films were very good. =)

it was also really really REALLY good to see jess and diane (and the other teachers) but mostly these 2 bc i've only seen diane ONCE for like an hour and jess NEVER since yonsei day!!! and they are my buddies from korean class. also i saw jason, who i haven't seen in a long time ever. also there were LOTS of us teachers there in busan. there were a bunch from jeju and daegu and hongseong and etc etc etc. but it was good to see the others. busan was an interesting city. it's definitely different from cheongju. PLUS i got to play on the beach!!! i LOVE the beach (don't worry, mommy, i was careful of sharks!)

we got yelled at on the subway and i can BARELY remember any other moment in life that's made me so indignant and upset. this random ajussi started yelling at us that we were too loud and to stop speaking english blah blah blah. but it was so RUDE and IGNORANT of him. and we couldnt' do anything bc he was "older" but still, you can NOT tell ppl not to talk in a public place (it's not like we were at the ballet or the opera) and it made me so upset bc i've never been talked to like that. and it bothered me so much that he was so ignorant of social cues even more than it would upset me in america i think bc he was KOREAN and shares my blood nd it's like how it bothers you if you have a stupid sibling more than if you just have another stupid kid in your class or something.

on another note, life lately has made me rethink my policy of "honesty is the best policy" - sometimes i feel like it's true (what my mom's been telling me my whole life) that honesty can sometimes do more harm than good and that sometime my completely black and white sense of right and wrong and doing the "right/fair/just" thing no matter it's consequences for other ppl's feelings is not always the best course of action. however, i still believe COMMUNICATION is probably the best policy. better than NON-communication. so maybe that will be my new thing, i'll work on my honesty and bluntness by working on more productive communication skills rather than just saying exactly what i think. and on THAT note, i will say that sometimes taking the high road means 넌 안 변할거니까 니가 얼마나 우낀지 내가 잊어버릴때 까지 나는 너하고 말않석끌거야. useless한게 어느 종도야지. (thank you, my darlings for telling me this is NOT mean and is rather acceptable based on my friend's behavior).

BUT. i was talking to ashley and she agrees that my honesty and ridiculous approach to life are exactly what makes me ME and what makes me lovable to her. perhaps this is not true for all ppl (and thus we are not friends and you are not reading this so it doesn't matter) but for the ppl who love me, i figure that they like me for me and i am somewhat conflicted (and have been) about this whole "growing up" process. sometimes i think there are changes i could make to my character/personality/life perspective to "mature" or become a "better" person. but then, will that still be me? or will i just be trying to fit some mold that pleases certain ppl and is unnatural to me? i mean clearly there are certain things that will change and my behaviors that will change as i grow older just because of life. but, if i keep trying to consciously change things about me that maybe aren't PERFECT but not necessarily harmful, is that just taking away from who i am?

these questions of soul-searching and self-seeking have been plaguing me ever so peskily here in korea. where i have so much free time and not enough ridiculous duke ppl and family time to fill my mind/time with other things. it IS true wat ppl say about being by yourself and not talking (all the time). it FORCES you to THINK.

i will conclude with: 엄마 i am happy, this is a melancholy/mellow post. do not worry about me. today. haha.

my mom told me she reads my blog first thing every morning to check up on me and check out my mood/general well-being. don't worry, i won't censor myself but i think it's admirable that she can wade through this codswallop every morning. i guess that's why they say nothing can ever measure up to/compare with parental love. =)

another p.s. this past weekend my elementary, host brother, and i were all on arirang tv . that first kid in line with the blue and white striped polo is my host bro. i will post the video once i can figure out how.

notes to self: funny wknd update to come about: sharks, mcdonalds, apologies, wooj, engrish, etc.

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